A life we love Pt. 1

How do we build a life that we love?

We all have aspects of our lives we complain about and find ourselves daydreaming about better alternatives. Even when content, we may ponder living different experiences or achieving different goals. This is natural, and striving for improvement throughout our lives is actually commendable. However, we often stop at the "dreaming stage". Few of us, including myself, take time to thoroughly assess our current situation and determine what actionable changes could lead to different or better outcomes. The idea of transforming our lives seems daunting, and it's easy to wonder where to even begin.

In this post and the upcoming one next week, I'd like to share concrete strategies and tools to help us get started on building a better life. To begin, let's evaluate our satisfaction in three key areas: health, our contribution to society (usually our job or our studies, but it could also be being a stay-at-home parent or volunteering, etc.), and relationships. While there are other components to a good fulfilling life, focusing on these core areas is a solid foundation. Of course, you're welcome to explore other areas if these three satisfy you completely (but if that's the case, let's set up a call asap—I'd love to learn more about your life and pick your brain!).

An effective tool here is the "Fast-Forward Test". Imagine you're going through a typical day in your life, and that you have the option to fast-forward through the parts of it you don't like. At what points would you hit that fast-forward button? This exercise can quickly help us gain more clarity on where we want to make changes and points us in the direction we want to head. You might object, "I can't change this or that at work" or "I'm stuck with a challenging family member", etc. True, there will be things that we don't have the power to change, but in that case we can still work on shifting our attitude towards them.

Once we've established areas for growth and generated ideas around what that growth could look like, it's time for a pragmatic approach. For instance, I would rate my satisfaction with my health at 5.5, and would fast-forward through all those parts of my day where I get flare-ups. What changes could bump my satisfaction up to a 6.5? I have some ideas—for instance, improving mindset during flare-ups and enhancing gut health. What I need to do now is to identify what next steps I can take to achieve those results. I also have to decide for how long I am going to try them out before I re-assess. Similarly, I've ideas on what I'd like to change or improve in the areas of work and relationships, so I need to come up with my next steps there as well. The tricky part is identifying steps that are enough to actually make a difference over time, but not so many or so onerous that we get overwhelmed and give up.

I recently came across a helpful analogy. In one of his books, Italian coach and entrepreneur Piernicola De Maria likens this process to a medication leaflet. Just as medicines have a recommended dosage range—too little and there's no effect, too much and it's harmful—the same principle applies to actions in our personal and professional lives. Too little effort and we'll stay in our comfort zone and see no change; too much effort too soon, and we'll just burn out and quit. So let's ask ourselves what is the minimum recommended dosage (of our time, energy, etc.) to achieve a result and let's start swallowing that pill every day. We should expect some trial and error (even medicine isn't an exact science!), which is why in next week's post we'll discuss the importance of experimentation and iteration.

I think it's worth noting that this doesn't mean we shouldn't appreciate where we're at or belittle what we have. In fact, we've previously mentioned how important it is to cultivate positivity. We can and should cherish the good while still embarking on a journey to improve ourselves and our situation.

Next Monday, we'll delve deeper with another thought experiment to gain more clarity. Meanwhile, if you'd like to share insights from the Fast-Forward Test, your satisfaction scores, your upcoming steps, or any other contribution, I'd love to read your comments. I'm also introducing free 30-min calls where we can discuss my post's topic and how it may apply to your life, or any other question you may have around personal development. We can have the call English, Italian or French, and you can book it here.