A life we love Pt. 3

In this third chapter on the topic of building a life we love, it's time for some final thoughts.

We are hardwired to resist change. We tend to believe that it's wiser to stay in our current situation rather than venture into the unknown, even if it holds the potential for a better life. Early in our evolution, the human brain was mostly limited to the reptilian brain. Its primary job was to keep us alive in the jungle, so to speak, so it would trigger a fight-or-flight response when faced with a threat. Although we no longer face the risk of being eaten by wild animals, this part of our brain still perceives the unknown as a potential threat to our safety. Consequently, when we envision a different future for ourselves, we not only grapple with practical challenges such as time, money, and energy, but also contend with an evolutionary instinct that wants to keep us safe.

While it's undeniable that making changes comes with costs and even potential risks (though not as dangerous as being preyed upon by a wild animal), we need to remind ourselves that doing nothing also carries a cost. If you've completed the Odyssey Plan exercise, you'll have visualized what your life will look like if you take no action. Without change, we simply get more of what we already have and don't like. To put it plainly, insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results.

The encouraging news is that there's actually a formula to help us overcome our innate resistance to change! Originally conceived for organizational change by Gleicher, it's been reframed a couple of times and I find it applies to individual change as well. In its final version, the formula is:

D × V × F × S > R

Here, R represents our resistance to change, while D (Dissatisfaction with the current situation), V (a Vision for where we are going), F (First concrete steps that can be taken towards the vision) and S (having Support) are the factors that, when combined, empower us to overcome said resistance.

The exercises and reflections I suggested in the previous two posts were aimed at helping you: a) identify what you are dissatisfied with and want to change; b) visualize the life scenario you wish to pursue (or what you want your days to be like, in the Fast Forward Test); c) determine your next steps. We also emphasized the importance of having allies and the value of sharing your plans with people who will support you and provide honest feedback. Remember that you also have the option of sharing them here in the comments or in a private mail or call with me.

As mentioned in our latest newsletter, it's also crucial to celebrate our wins, no matter how small they may seem. Recognizing our desire to grow and rewarding ourselves for our achievements is key for sustained self-development and long-term motivation.

It's also important to keep in mind that not everybody is going to approve of our desire for change and our new plans. Just as we are hardwired to resist change, so are the people around us. Don't let that discourage you. We can't control how others react to our choices, but we can control how much we let that affect us. Having said that, the more transparent and open we are about our plans and our reasons for pursuing them, the more likely it is that others will respond positively, or at the very least, understand our motivations.

We will explore how to establish healthy boundaries and develop better emotional regulation and stress management in future posts. We've previously touched on some emotional management basics, such as acknowledging uncomfortable emotions and taking the time to understand what they are trying to tell us, and cultivating positivity.

For now, we've concluded this series on building a life we love. I would greatly appreciate any insights or feedback you may have, and look forward to hearing about your plans and your progress.