Curiosity over judgment

On Friday, we discussed choosing curiosity over judgment, which reminded me of a recent experience. A few weeks ago, I decided to take an online lesson with an English teacher who promised a few easy tricks to improve pronunciation and boasted public speaking experience. As someone who has been in the language teaching space for a long time, I was intrigued. And since I'd like to start doing YouTube videos in the future and maybe organize community gatherings, I thought it could be worth spending some time making my pronunciation as clear as possible.

The lesson got off to a rocky start when the teacher showed up ten minutes late without any apology or prior notice. In fact, I had to message him to remind him we had a class scheduled. He then directed me to another platform, stating he "had no intention" of paying for a Zoom plan, despite sharing a Zoom link with me. When I expressed my frustration at his behavior, he responded aggressively. The first half-hour was awkward and uncomfortable—I just shut down and didn’t respond to his attempts at conversation, so he finally veered off into a rant about politics and COVID.

At a certain point, I realized that my anger, while totally justifiable, was just making the experience excruciating for both of us. I decided to switch from judgment to curiosity. Who was this man who had moved from the US to China to Turkey and seemed so mad at the world? As I listened more carefully and engaged in the conversation, he began to let his guard down. By the end of the session, he offered a few public speaking tips, stayed 20 minutes longer to make up for lost time, and apologized multiple times for being late. He also admitted to having a difficult temperament.

Did I give him a raving review or decide to work with him again? No, I still found his behavior rude and unprofessional. But I could see he was going through a tough time and felt some empathy for his situation. And since life is our ultimate therapist, this experience also made me reflect on my own reactions. I've noticed that I now tend to have rather strong reactions whenever I feel slighted. I think it's because, for the longest time, I was a total people pleaser and could not enforce healthy boundaries. While I no longer want to allow people to step all over me, I need to pick my battles wisely and avoid projecting past resentments onto current interactions.

Maintaining an open and curious mindset can transform challenging interactions into opportunities for understanding and growth. The next time we face a frustrating interaction, let’s try shifting our perspective—we might be surprised at what we discover.

Have you ever had a similar experience where shifting your perspective changed the outcome? Share your thoughts in the comments below or send me an email, and don't forget to share this with someone who may find it useful.