Friday Musings—01/12/23

This week's musings are probably going to be more of a ramble :)

My Spanish teacher started his own YouTube channel about a month ago (you can check it out here if you speak/are learning Spanish), and he's been suggesting I start one as well. I told him I'd been considering it and had discussed the idea with my "coaching besties", who think it could be a good way to let my playful side (which had disappeared after all those years of eating disorders, but is slowly emerging again) come out. However, I'm really struggling with taking the first step. So during our last class, we touched upon the main reasons why I'm stuck.

I told him that I'm afraid that a) I won't be able to organize my time well enough to handle all the work involved in planning and making videos; b) I won't have good enough ideas; c) I'm struggling with acne, hate seeing myself in pictures and would struggle with filming myself (plus this month has been an especially bad month acne-wise, after a few months when it had seemed to have improved). I then admitted that reason c) is the main obstacle.

Tomás, my teacher, was a bit surprised. He said that in terms of coming up with ideas for my videos, he thinks I would have plenty. As for the acne issue, he was very kind and said "tu eres bonita", you look good, and that he thought the acne wasn't that big a deal. He also added that he doesn't look like a model, so if he isn't letting that stop him, nor should I.

This discussion made me reflect on how my acne is heavily affecting my quality of life, and how I'm letting it prevent me from taking action and doing many things I'd like to do. Last week, one of my theater teachers asked me to tie my hair back in order for him to better see my facial expressions, and I looked at him as if he had asked me to kill myself (when my hair is loose, curtain-style, I feel like my face, and as a consequence my acne, is somewhat less visible).

A couple of takeaways from this.

Living in the present moment

We've previously discussed how mindfulness can be an antidote to fear, as in the here and now there's no room for our worries about the future, and how the more we can learn to live in the present, the happier we will be.

In the here and now there's also no room for our past. Most of the pain associated with my acne comes from the fact that I had really great skin, and if I look at pictures from even just four years ago, my face was almost entirely blemish-free. In fact, most of my suffering comes from thinking about what I've lost—my great skin in this particular instance, but more in general life and work opportunities, my health, my youth, etc. There are still things I can do and joy to be had, even in my current circumstances, but when I think about what could have been had it not been for my illness, then I despair, and nothing seems to have much value.

And of course, no one enjoys acne, and I shouldn't stop trying to find a cure. After the huge disappointment caused by the dermatologist I went to two years ago, who put me on the pill again and by doing so caused some huge hormonal spots to appear on my forehead, making matters worse, I had given up. But I've recently decided to make another attempt, and in two week's time I have an appointment with another doctor who seems to have great reviews. Fingers crossed. In the meantime, though, I can still enjoy my theater classes, my trips, meeting up with friends or meeting new people, etc. My acne isn't really preventing me from doing these things, the suffering I feel when I think about it and the worries about what other people might think are.

The sage perspective

Adopting the "Sage perspective" means finding the gift or opportunity in every challenge, sorrow, defeat, etc. I've been asking myself how this could apply to my acne. One answer could be that by showing up without shame (I don't like using makeup, plus I think it would probably further clog up my pores, so when I do show up for a class or an appointment, I usually do it without trying to conceal my skin issues) I could maybe provide some comfort to other people who are struggling with acne and feel compelled to cover it up. Help create a society where having skin issues is normalized. Another answer could be that in a world so obsessed with looks, if I learn to overcome this, I will end up much stronger and won't let other people's judgments or messaging from the media to affect my sense of worth (I'm still not there, far from it!). I'll keep thinking about it. I'd also welcome your thoughts and input on this.

Quote of the week ✍️

"Life has no limitations, except the ones you make". (Les Brown)

That's all from me today. As always, feel free to share any insights or questions you may have in the comments, or send me an email—I'm always happy to chat. You can also book a free call with me to talk about personal development, mental and physical health, positive intelligence, or simply where you're at in your life. Please don't forget to share this with someone who may be interested, it's an easy way to support my content-creation journey.

Enjoy your weekend and TTYS

ML