Friday Musings—22/12/23

If you haven't read it yet, in this week's post I invite you to take some time to reflect on how you want to feel during the upcoming holidays and to plan accordingly. Remember to schedule some time for self-care and be intentional about how you approach social and family events.

Today, I wanted to take a moment to think about our precious bodies and how we should pay attention to and be grateful for all that they do for us. I don't know anyone who hasn't at one time or another complained about some aspect of their body or felt insecure about the way they look. I mean, even Oprah, someone who is on top of the world, has spent a good chunk of her life worrying about her looks. However, I feel like it's becoming even harder to feel good about oneself in a world where retouched images are no longer relegated to magazines and celebrity appearances. When people are constantly Facetuning their pics or applying makeup filters or skin-smoothing effects over their videos, do we even now what a "normal" face looks like? Editing is everywhere, and being perpetually "flawless" and camera-ready seems to be the new standard for everyone.

It also looks like the stream of endless selfies and online meetings is having serious consequences on how we perceive our self image, to the point where some doctors have seen an uptick in requests for cosmetic procedures and have started talking about “Zoom dysmorphia".

Normalizing imperfection

In a previous newsletter, I shared how acne has been really testing my self-esteem for the past four years. I started asking people not to take a picture of me, and I've been postponing opening a YouTube channel, as seeing myself in videos causes me pain. I've also been feeling a lot of shame, which on a rational level I know is unmotivated (having acne is certainly not a failing on my part), but on a deeper level, I can't totally shake this feeling.

So I really appreciate it when people use social media not to share pics that I've been edited like crazy, but to normalize "imperfection". For example, British broadcaster Louis Theroux has been sharing his struggle with alopecia on his IG account. I had a friend who was struggling with alopecia when I was at university, and I still remember the pain it caused her and how she would try to hide the hair loss with hats. Maybe seeing this discussed publicly would have helped her. In a similar vein, people sharing about their acne and other skin issues has helped me a bit and might encourage me to finally own it and start filming myself even if I no longer have a "flawless" face.

Every body is a story

One of my theater teachers had us do an exercise where we created a story by moving our bodies in a certain way. We all had a few parameters to keep in mind but were otherwise free to use our bodies and the space around us as we pleased. Some of us felt self-conscious at first, but we actually all came up with pretty cool sequences, and we had a lot of fun doing it.

At a certain point, the teacher commented that he loved it when students did this exercise because every body moved in a different way, and every body carried a different story; he found all of that very beautiful. I had never really thought about that, and found it a very interesting remark.

Body neutrality

Something that's been really helping me in my recovery journey is the concept of "body neutrality"—looking at our bodies as vessels that carry us through life and focusing on what they do, not on what shape they have. We may not love the way we look, but we want to take good care of our bodies as best we can because we're grateful for what they allow us to do.

I found that by adopting this approach, I actually have moments when I do experience love for my body, and I feel so sorry for all it's been through. And when I don't like what I see in the mirror, I tend to shrug my shoulders and tell myself to move on with my day anyway. As they mention in this great article on the subject, body neutrality can also be a sort of "active rebellion" from all the focus that's normally placed on our looks.

Quote of the week ✍️

"Speak to your body in a loving way. It's the only one you've got, it's your home, and it deserves your respect". (Iska Lawrence)

What are your thoughts on this topic? As always, I welcome your insights or questions in the comments. You can also send me an email or book a free call to talk about where you're at in your life and where you'd like to go. Please don't forget to share this with someone who may be interested; it's an easy way for you to support my content-creation journey.

Enjoy your weekend and TTYS

ML