Friday Musings—29/09/23

If you haven't read it yet, in this week's post I go over the difference between habits and practices, and how striking a balance between the two is key to lasting personal development. As always, share any insights or questions you may have in the comments, or send me an email—I'm always happy to chat. You can also book a free call with me.

Now onto my weekly musings 😎

The spotlight effect

I struggled with anxiety for many years. I was afraid people were constantly judging me, and was always trying to read their moods and watch my every word or action. It took me a long time to realize that this behavior was a consequence of the family dynamics as I grew up, and one of the contributing factors to my eating disorders (the control of my food intake, or lack of, was a way to cope with what I perceived as constant negative judgment from the people around me).

Even without going to the anxiety extremes I was subject to, we all tend to believe that others are paying way more attention to us than they actually are. In other words, we always feel like we are "in the spotlight". This cognitive bias shows up frequently in our day-to-day lives, both in positive and negative situations, and can lead us to misjudge situations and make poor decisions.

The truth is, we are all secondary characters in other people's lives, and they are rarely paying much attention to us! You may feel disappointed finding out how little other people are thinking about you, but it's also a very freeing revelation. It allowed me to stop caring so much about what others might think and empowered me to make choices without seeking for external validation. I'll be honest, I sometimes still fall into the trap of looking for other people's approval, but it doesn't happen often, and when I catch myself doing it, I can work on it and remind myself that it's a trap. I recommend this great article to learn more about this bias and how you can overcome it.

Your brain on social media

As I mentioned in this week's post, one of my current practices is being more mindful of my phone usage and experimenting with putting my phone on airplane mode. There is a lot of information out there on how addictive social media is, and its effect on our attention span, including Netflix's documentary The Social Dilemma (although we should probably have a discussion of how addictive Netflix can be, too!).

That's not to say these new technologies and platforms don't offer a lot of positive opportunities as well, and I'm certainly not advocating for their elimination. But the truth is that there are a lot of smart people who are constantly working on making them as addictive as possible, so it's difficult to find a balance. That's why we need to be incredibly intentional about how we approach them and need periodic reminders re: their potential to take up too much of our time and attention. They can also negatively affect our wellbeing and self-esteem, as most people are only presenting a carefully curated version of their lives online, and this can cause us to feel bad about our own.

If you have some time to spare and want to dig deeper, here's a collection of articles on what social media platforms are doing to our brains.

A need for connection

One of my coaching besties and I were recently discussing what we see as prevalent problems in today's society, and we both agreed on "disconnection". Disconnection from ourselves (our emotions, our bodies), disconnection from others (extreme individualism), disconnection from the planet (as the effects of global warming this past summer have made abundantly clear).

We don't really have a solution (not yet anyway!), but we mentioned the importance of embodying the change we'd like to see. I'm working on being more self-aware, more in tune with my body and my emotions, more mindful about the energy I bring into the world, more present in my relationships and open to new ones, more careful about my carbon footprint. At one point, I'd like to create a community of like-minded people where we can support each other in our growth. Let me know if that's something you'd be interested in.

It may be frustrating to see how little change we can bring about as individuals, but we shouldn't discount the ripple effect of many individuals doing their part and coming together.

Quote of the week ✍️

"Just as the wave cannot exist for itself, but is ever a part of the heaving surface of the ocean, so must I never live my life for itself, but always in the experience which is going on around me". (Albert Schweitzer)

That's all from me today. Don't forget to share this with someone who might be interested, enjoy your weekend and TTYS

ML