Is personal development worth it?

Coaching and personal development have become buzzwords in recent years, to the point where these terms have become overused and their meaning diluted. The coaching business has experienced exponential growth, which has also led to some loss of credibility. For every individual embarking on a self-improvement journey, there's another one that dismisses it as a waste of time at best. I must admit, I too was rather skeptical at first. I viewed it as a world filled with toxic positivity and charlatans offering superficial motivational speeches that left you feeling momentarily energized and hopeful, but ultimately brought about no real change. And to some extent that's undoubtedly true. As with any other field, there are those who offer valuable guidance and assistance, and those who are only motivated by the desire for financial gain.

Nevertheless, despite all of my doubts, I found myself so stuck and desperate that I eventually decided to give coaching a chance. After a series of group sessions, I slowly started putting in the work and seeking out additional resources, and in time I realized it did make a difference. In fact, in the span of a couple of years it profoundly shifted my perspective on life. So in this post, I'd like to share what I believe personal development to be and why I think everyone would benefit from making it an integral part of their life.

I used to consider life as a series of events that happened to me—an endless stream of struggles that encompassed my eating disorders, family conflicts, work-related issues, etc. Living simply meant trying to survive these challenges and sorrows, and finding some consolation in any moment of peace and tranquillity I experienced. To quote Schopenhauer, I subscribed to the belief that "life swings like a pendulum backward and forward between pain and boredom". My perspective was rather justified, considering I started grappling with severe mental issues as a tween and had to deal with it on my own for a long time. That will beat any enthusiasm out of you! By the time I finally began my recovery journey from eating disorders, I was already in my mid thirties, convinced that it was too late to create anything of value with my life and make any meaningful change to myself or my circumstances. To make matters worse, I found myself dealing with a whole set of additional health issues. That reinforced the idea that no matter what I did, life was only an endless series of struggles, leaving me with no choice but to survive and coast along as best as I could.

The truth was that I couldn't make any change because I had no understanding of who I was and wasn't sure one could achieve genuine transformation in any case. Also, as I mentioned in a previous newsletter, I hadn't yet learned that even in situations where you have no control over external circumstances (and that's quite an extreme scenario), you can still control your attitude towards them. Without self-awareness, we can't fully process what happens to us and can't use those experiences to grow. And if we believe we have no real control, we give up on shaping the direction of our lives.

In my view, personal development encompasses three key areas. Firstly, nurturing both our mental and physical health, and I plan on devoting a separate post to the fundamental habits and routines that I have found helpful here. Secondly, finding our mission and attaining a sense of fulfillment—what we wish to contribute to the world and how we can serve others, be it through our careers, volunteer work, mentoring, etc . This remains an ongoing quest for me, and one I'm certainly going to write more about in the future. Lastly, our relationships—be it our partners, family, friends, or our broader social circle. Our relationships play a huge role in our life, well-being and growth. On the one hand, because we all need to love and be loved, whether we want to admit it or not; on the other hand, because the people we spend time with have an enormous influence on who we become. There are additional ingredients to a good life, but working on and striving for balance in these three key areas will ensure we're living with awareness and are ready to tackle challenges and opportunities that come our way.

At its core, personal development is about developing more self-awareness and conducting an honest evaluation of our current situation in order to then take concrete steps to gain more control and build healthier and more fulfilled lives for ourself. This doesn't mean it's all about endless productivity and success. It's also about learning to accept set backs and reframe failure as a teaching experience, as well as acknowledging and cherishing what we have and celebrating all of our small wins.

I'd like to end with a lesson drawn from my yoga practice. At the beginning of our classes, one of my yoga teachers in Dublin would always invite us to focus solely on our own journey and refrain from comparing our poses to those of our fellow yogis. No two bodies are the same, so the same yoga pose will look different for everyone. I loved him for that gentle but constant reminder. Yoga, fundamentally, is about honoring and taking care of our own bodies and minds; challenging ourselves to progress, on and off the mat, while simultaneously respecting our unique limitations and individual needs. To me, this delicate balance between self-acceptance and growth is the essence of personal development.