Friday Musings—01/09/23

If you haven't read it yet, this week's post was part two of a series devoted to taking actionable steps towards building a life we love. As always, share any insights or questions you may have on the topic in the comments, or send me an email—I'm always happy to chat. You can also book a free call with me.

Now onto my weekly musings 😎

Mindfulness for fear

My healing and personal growth journey revealed that I'm filled with fears. Some I wasn't even aware of, while others deep down I knew but absolutely did not want to confront or even admit to myself. Those fears have heavily influenced my life and choices, making it really miserable at times.

In personal development, you learn to recognize and admit your fears, and then you tackle them, one step at the time. This may sound daunting, and I can personally attest that it can be quite unsettling. There's a reason why denial is such a powerful force! However, there's one simple (not easy, mind you) practice that can help us better deal with this massive undertaking.

We've previously mentioned the importance of mindfulness, for example here and here. Today we're going to delve into mindfulness as a potent antidote to fear. In the here and now, there's no room for our worries about the future, our fear of ending up alone, the fear of death, or any other thing weighing on our minds. The more we can learn to live in the present, the happier we will be, and the easier it will be to face challenges.

I first heard of the Buddhist teacher and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh thanks to my mum, who received one of his books as a gift from a friend. She'd never been particularly interested in Eastern culture, but she found it a wonderful read, and she called me to discuss it. So when I came across this article about some of Hanh's teachings, I was immediately drawn to it. After explaining how the practice of mindfulness can help us experience a state where fear has no place, Hanh offers four mantras that are "effective for watering the seeds of happiness in yourself and your beloved and for transforming fear, suffering, and loneliness".

The article offers a clear and concise explanation of what mantras are their purpose, and you don't need any prior experience with them to benefit from this read. I was struck by how Hanh's four mantras convey so much in so few words, and I found them even more powerful than I had anticipated. It's worth noting that, like Western personal development practices, these teachings require deliberate practice in order to achieve transformation.

If you'd like to discuss your fears or learn about being present, leave a comment, send me an email, or book a call. I'm not a perfect listener, but "Dear one, I am here for you", and I mean it.

Celebrating where you're at

Last week, I went to Lake Como for three days. Meal times were a bit challenging due to non-stop social events, and I lacked my usual control over my food choices. I also had very limited "me time" (I love meeting new people and being in the company of others, but I also need to spend time on my own to recharge). However, I managed to get through it quite successfully. A few years ago, these three days would have been an impossible feat, and probably would have ended up with me engaging in unhealthy eating behaviors. Alternatively, I would have just declined the invitation altogether, and missed out on yet another opportunity to experience something different.

This time around, I found it a bit difficult, but mainly because of my current digestive issues rather than my past eating disorders. I wasn't worried about counting calories, I didn't obsess over the quality of the foods being served, and I accepted that eating late a couple of times certainly wasn't ideal, but it wasn't the end of the world either. However, at the end of our stay, my initial thought wasn't about how nice it was to finally have an experience like this, even with a few struggles. Instead, I felt overwhelmed with sadness for all those years when my eating disorders robbed me of this possibility and made my life hell. I also worried about not being able to repeat an experience like this in the near future, as it did make me feel slightly on edge.

This was an understandable reaction, but one that did me no good. Had I fully appreciated and savored the excitement and joy of the freedom I was experiencing, I would have ended the weekend on a higher note. How often do we neglect to celebrate where we are and instead choose to dwell on regrets or lament that we're not further along in our journey? It's another instance of how learning to fully embrace the present can help let go of the past and alleviate worries about the future, ultimately making our lives happier and more manageable.

Bonus picture of my looking happy while waiting for dinner :)

Quote of the week ✍️

"Celebrate small wins with big joys". (Mignon McLaughlin)

That's all from me today, enjoy your weekend and TTYS

ML