Rethinking personality

Have you ever taken a personality test? I did during my university years, while being treated by the psychiatrist I mentioned in this post. I can't recall the details, but I remember it revealed a tendency not to express myself much and to conform to others' expectations—a result that aligned perfectly with my behavior back then. I've sometimes contemplated taking a new test out of sheer curiosity to see just how different the results would be today. So when I came across this article outlining six core personality types I couldn't resist diving in for a bit of fun. While such articles should be taken with a grain of salt, I must admit the piece of advice offered to my personality type was actually pretty relevant to my current situation: "Deltas should focus less on what life did to them and more on what life can do for them". Letting go of the past has proven to be a real challenge for me, so this serves as a reminder that I'd be better served by redirecting my attention to the present and future.

The article also sparked my curiosity around the subject of just how malleable our personalities might be. I remember my sociology professor at university telling us that sociologists considered personality a fixed trait, and psychologists seemed to do the same for quite some time. Popular sayings like "You can't teach an old dog new tricks" perpetuated the idea. Additionally, as we grow up we often find ourselves labeled as "the quiet one", "the extrovert", "not good at math", and so on, and these labels can stick, profoundly shaping our long-term identity and self-perception.

However, times are changing, and a quick Google search reveals a growing body of psychology research that challenges this belief. While certain aspects of personality may remain relatively stable, studies have shown that personality is also susceptible to influence and change over time. What's more, our personalities are context-dependent to some degree. Who we are as parents differs from who we are at the workplace or with our friends. Individuals who identify as introverts will exhibit more outgoing behavior in specific situations, etc.

I would also argue that the more we explore different experiences, the more we may discover hidden aspects of ourselves that defy the limitations of our perceived personality. For instance, when I moved to Ireland and started working as a language teacher and activity leader I gradually uncovered what practically amounted to a new version of myself. Having often been described as a loner–and having adopted that label myself–I feared I would find spending time with so many students really hard. But I adapted to my new role and discovered that I actually enjoyed spending time with others. With time, I found myself really engaging in conversations, cracking jokes, and wearing a smile more often. I learned to communicate and connect with people of different age groups and backgrounds—both teenage and adult students of different nationalities, bus drivers, tour guides, restaurant owners, hostel staff... My mum came to visit me once and commented that she hardly recognized me because she had never seen me so talkative and funny. While I still require time alone to recharge, I definitely no longer describe myself as a loner. In fact, I'm sure I'd be miserable in a job devoid of human interaction. The personality I thought would be mine forever was, in reality, shaped by various factors, including the secrecy and isolation imposed by my eating disorders. An extended stay away from home and from my usual social circle allowed new aspects of myself to emerge.

Dr. Hardy, the author of Personality Isn’t Permanent, asserts that personality is a learnable skill, and that there is no such thing as a personality type (and all personality tests are baseless). As he explains in this interview, our personalities can and will undoubtedly evolve; it's our perspective on our own personality that remains stagnant. We fixate on who we are now, neglecting to envision who we could be in the future. We might realize how much we've changed compared to the past, but we still think of our future selves as pretty similar to who we are now. As Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert puts it, "Human beings are works in progress that mistakenly think they’re finished". This is especially true for those with a fixed mindset, whereas individuals with a growth mindset tend to be less definitive about who they are and remain open to new possibilities.

Hardy delves into other things I found interesting. He explores how trauma (or rather, our perception of a traumatic event) shapes our personality, and emphasizes the importance of gaining a fresh perspective on what happened to us in order to facilitate personal growth. He also tackles how the fear of making a mistake often stunts our growth—we tend to avoid situations that involve uncertainty because we're afraid of making a mistake, but so-called prediction errors are where the deep learning takes place. He stresses how much our environment influences us, warning that we either control the inputs we let in, or we'll end up being controlled and defined by them. Finally, he encourages us to clarify our desired future selves and to let that vision be what guides our current actions.

The idea that we have the power to work on changing undesirable traits or those that not longer serve us well is a liberating one. It also means that the next time someone justifies their rude behavior by claiming "I am who I am", you can point them to my blog and let them know they can indeed work on themselves and at the very least smooth out the rough edges of their personality 🙂 One final consideration I'd like to add is that it's important to cherish the positive aspects of our personality as well, and to make sure we keep strengthening them over time.

So what's your take on the matter? Do you identify with a specific personality type? Have you successfully transformed specific aspects of your personality or stumbled upon unexpected aspects of yourself as I did? Are you aware of the extent to which you've changed over time and do you know who you'd like your future self to be? If this post speaks to you, I invite you to share your insights in the comments! I would love to receive your feedback and continue the conversation. Feel free to share this with anyone you believe would find it valuable.