The ultimate therapist

"Life is your biggest psychotherapist", I was once told by one of the doctors I worked with—one of the few who seemed to really care and who helped me make some progress. That was back in 2016, and while at the time I wasn't able to appreciate what he meant, I get it now. Every experience we encounter throughout our lives can help us grow, learn, and develop a deeper understanding of ourselves and the world around us, provided we get into the habit of paying attention and reflecting on our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

As you know, after battling eating disorders for almost a quarter of a century, I found myself stuck and completely at a loss as to who I was outside of my illness. These past couple of years, I've been working hard on developing more self-awareness and deciding the kind of person I want to be. Along the way, I've realized I have many fears and limiting beliefs that had always been there but took a back seat to the main worry in my life—hiding my disordered eating and coping with its accumulating consequences on my mind and body.

I bring all of this up because I recently started playing Dungeons and Dragons (as part of my efforts to cut down on my screen time), and I was startled to realize that the way my character moves through the adventure is so similar to how I move through real life. I'm constantly worried about making the wrong decision at every turn—whether it's picking the wrong spells, opening the wrong door, or asking the wrong questions. These fears prevent me from fully experiencing the game and finding creative solutions. They inhibit my lateral thinking, so I miss out on many opportunities and actually risk my character's life more than I would if I were more decisive and experimented more!

In real life, I'm not making potentially life-and-death decisions at every turn, but I am preventing myself from taking chances, and better understanding who I am and who I could become. In the end, what is life if not a series of experiments? The bolder the moves, the bigger the reward, even just in terms of learning. After all, the most successful people are those who have a bias towards action—they know that doing something and failing is preferable to staying still because they've come to view mistakes as learning opportunities rather than failures. Besides, by not making any big decisions, I am making a decision anyway: I'm choosing to have more of the same and experience limited growth and fun, both in D&D and in life!

Reflecting on these insights, here are some steps I, and anyone else who can relate to my struggle, can take to learn how to embrace the uncertainty of life's adventures. I've started implementing some of these; others are things I've been postponing, so I'm using this post as a reminder and encouragement to self 🙂

Mindfulness. Practicing being present in each moment, observing our thoughts and feelings without judgment. This can help us gain insights from our daily experiences and how we react to them. I'm getting better at this, but there's definitely room from improvement, and I still find myself seeking distractions when my thoughts and feeling become too uncomfortable.

Journaling. I've been meaning to keep a journal to document my thoughts, feelings, and experiences, to find repeating patterns and other possible insights. I journaled on and off during the pandemic, but then I just stopped when I reached the last page of my journal. Every now and then I tell myself I should buy a new journal, but then forget about it and keep postponing!

Seeking Feedback. Being open to feedback from others can open new perspectives. I feel like I'm more more open to this now—I've started actively seeking external input in my weekly meetings with my coaching bestie R., or in my art therapy sessions, and I sometimes seek feedback from friends or my Spanish teacher. However, their feedback would be more valuable if I took more action.

Practicing Gratitude. Recognizing the positive aspects of our experiences, even in tough times. Amidst all of my health challenges, I'll admit I'm really struggling with this one.

Learning from Mistakes. As mentioned earlier, key to growing and accomplishing what we want is the ability to view mistakes as learning opportunities rather than failures. I totally applaud and embrace this mindset in theory, but when it comes to practicing it... oh boy!

So, how about you? Are you treating your life as the ultimate psychotherapist? Have there been any recent experiences that have led you to new realizations about yourself? Share your thoughts in the comments below—I’d love to hear your stories and insights. You also have the option to send me an email or book a call if you'd like to have a chat on these topics, and don't forget to share this with someone who may find it useful.