Three months

My blog is now three months old, which means it's no longer a newborn :) In a way, it feels like my baby, and I'm committed to nurturing it so that it enjoys a long and prosperous life!

In my very first post, I shared a bit about myself and why I started this project. Today, I'd like to delve a bit deeper into my current journey.

As I mentioned previously, after struggling with eating disorders for many years, I developed an interest in personal development a couple of years ago. In the meantime, I finally began to see significant improvements in my recovery, which freed up the mental space and energy I needed to start thinking about how I wanted to live, as opposed to just coasting along as I had done ever since my eating disorders started. It was actually an awful experience at first, akin to waking up from a long coma and realizing a huge part of my life had passed by. I had to (re)learn how to live, much like someone relearning to walk after a very long bedrest. Coping with and concealing my illness had a profound impact on my life, my health, my relationships, my career choices, and my personal development. My last psychotherapist pointed out that eating disorders often keep individuals emotionally stuck at the age when they began, which, for me, was around 12-13. She noted that while this experience had made me older than my years in some respects, in others, I exhibited behaviors more typical of a teenager than a woman in her 30s. I'm realizing now that she was absolutely right!

I've spent the past couple of years catching up on developmental milestones, trying to figure out my place in the world, my values, the kind of people I want to be around, what I can contribute to society, my boundaries, and so on. I took a course in developmental psychology, and when it came to the milestones teenagers and young adults should achieve, I thought "Oh God, that's me now!". The slightly reassuring part was that while in the past it was thought that once we reached adulthood we were fully formed individuals and not much would change until old age, now psychologists talk about lifelong development. It's harder to achieve certain milestones later in life, but it's possible.

I even joked with my mom that the fact I'm going to take driving lessons is further proof of my being in the adolescence phase. I already have my driver's license, but I didn't drive during all the years I lived in Dublin. When I moved back to Italy, I still didn't drive much because I no longer had a car. Now, I've reached the point where I'm a bit scared about getting behind the wheel, so I decided I need to do something about it and take a few lessons again (and maybe this time finally learn to park properly!). Wish both my instructor and me good luck.

I've learned that the things that have been holding me back the most are my regrets and my sorrow for how my past unfolded, as well as my fears and worries about the future. However, I've also learned that I'm not alone in this struggle. Just yesterday I had two conversations that further reinforced the importance of working on this. I had a very long chat with a friend from my theatre group who is struggling with finding meaning and joy in his life. I told him about the exercise I shared in my last post, but he said that this inevitably leads him to dwell on the past and be overcome by sadness, and that no current joy can seem to make up for all that he's lost. I completely understand what he means, as I've struggled and still struggle with this. But I found that learning to stay present and focus on the here and now, rather than dwelling on "what ifs" and "if only", is like exercising a muscle. My other conversation was with an old friend from Dublin, who shared that for a long time he too was worried about the future and would let his fears paralyze him. Until he realized that not being stuck in a present he didn't like was what mattered most, and that if the future didn't work out as he had hoped, he would revise his plans and find another solution. So, in essence, he adopted the experimentation and iteration mindset we previously discussed.

Talking about taking action and experimenting, I think it's only fair that I share how I'm doing what I preach! This new journey started with my coach encouraging me to share my story. With a background in communication and journalism, writing blog posts felt like a natural starting point, even though I didn't have everything figured out. It genuinely makes me happy to see some of you leaving comments and sending emails, sharing a bit about your own stories. I plan to continue creating content and, at some point, start a podcast or a YouTube channel. The more feedback you provide, the better I can create content that will be of use to you. Remember you can also schedule a call with me to discuss your journey further, and if you know someone who might benefit, please share my posts with them.

Additionally, I've embarked on a coaching journey myself. I previously mentioned my participation in the Red Teaming program, which really helped me sharpen my critical thinking skills. Next month, one of my "coaching besties" and I are starting a program on Positive Intelligence, recommended by a classmate who found it transformative. The icing on the cake is that we received a grant to participate for free. Meanwhile, I'm also working on Emotional Intelligence with my coach. So, now you have a better understanding of what I'm working on and how I can assist you, and I will provide future updates on what I'm doing and where I'm at.

This post has become quite lengthy, so I'll end it here. I just wanted to add that I've been adopting the Maui habit for the past couple of months, and it does help! Has anyone else been trying it out?